The Life and Times of Shaun

I'm Back

It's been almost 2 years since I last posted on Blogger but I'm back. Myspace and Facebook have overtaken my time but I'm going to try to keep a blog still once in a while.

-Shaun

not much

I got so much runnin' through my head about whether or not I should be doing ministry right now. It's like doubts just keep flying into me and I cant shake them off fast enough to keep myself totally and completely focused. I find myself resenting people that have all the answers. I resent the most the people that say the same "churchy" answers and responses to my questions or doubts that I could have recited myself just from experience in church. I realize doubts aren't always productive but I hope mine can be. I hope and pray that whatever holes I still have in my faith or understanding of who God is can be filled with something solid, something that will last. I think I had things filling those holes but they didnt stand against the first doubt I threw at them. I am tired of being afraid to ask...afraid to doubt...afraid to wonder...afraid to be viewed as "straying from the faith" or "being in a dry spot" in my faith. I have to believe that God wants me to ask these questions and pursue some form of an answer. Maybe the answer is right in front of me, like I keep getting told...the answer keeps getting thrown at me, "Just focus on God" or "Just give it to God" but I've been a Christian since I was 7 and I dont have a clue what those things mean. I cant seriously believe that we'll get up to heaven and go "Man, bro, you were right when you said just accept the way things are and dont question them". I sometimes wonder about the fact that we have a relationship with God and the fact that in a relationship, although each person usually has a different role, they are equal in each other's eyes. I heard a pastor from India recently say that we are "co-workers of Christ" and I think it shocked me to think of myself on the same level as Christ. Are we? Wow, who would have thought someone with such a small understanding of his faith could be a Christian for so long? And someone who teaches youth too? I dont get myself...fix me, I pray. Fix me so I function the way I was designed to, so I dont just sit here and waste any of my time on doubt or fear.

a hiding place

a new place, where no one can find you
even if the world fell down, you'd be hidden
excitement is always in the journey towards the entrance
once you get there, you feel safe
the idea of it so obtuse you dont let your mind tell the other parts of your body
you stay crouched, with no shadow
with a hood around your silhouette
the darkest of devil's armies couldnt touch you
your feet rest on clouds
your hands play with the birds passing by
as you gaze beneath, you allow the joy to consume you
built with your own hands, every room important
never longing to return to the world below
only seeing every piece of linen as a potential resource for construction
and hearing voices down the hall, you quickly fold the door shut
and watch as the shadows beneath the door scurry
from so high above it seems as though they are coming to bring you back down to earth
but you're not ready
keen observer
so stay in your fortress of sheets, and never leave
and one day, you'll move to an even more wonderful place...

been a while

I cant promise anything to the paper as I stare at it
Except that to be honest in this scenario is needed
I long and I wait, and I seem to never be pleased
I like the feeling of a distant desire I cannot quench
I so often love just putting pen to paper that I care not what I say
And I so enjoy this encounter that I often drag the utensil
From one side of the slab to another, just for momentary bliss
The sword is weak, and would be ill-wielded in my hand
But you, you instrument of destruction and deceit.
Yes, you are my soul's outcry
The heart and soul, and perhaps the body, all form a pure exemption
At the grip of my most precise limbs
To stumble into fortitude behind words is much like the accidental protection a newborn baby receives behind a loving mother's arms
To doubt myself in one area of my wimsical journey sends pulsing emotion to the extensions I protrude,
Causing an array of light and sound that can be translated into the language of literature.
Perhaps when I am so lucky as to sit in the eternity I dont deserve, and enjoy the shelter of my Father's wings...
Perhaps then will I experience what few moments on paper have ever come close to illustrating

A Graphic

A Small Lesson in Men's Etiquette

From a book given to me by my dear friend Tania:
Chapter XIII THE ENGAGEMENT
The Parents - If at the time the engagement is to be entered upon the lady is living away from home, you should write to her father stating that you and his daughter propose shortly to become engaged, and expressing the hope that the step meets with his approval.
If your home is distant from that of the lady you should ask your mother to invite the girl to stay with her for a convenient period. If, again, the two families live in different parts of the country, effort should be made to arrange a visit so that they may meet. Frequently a young couple will wish to go away together for their holidays. This is now an accepted custom, but should the parents raise any objection, efforts should be made to meet it. The difficulty can often be overcome by inviting another couple to share the holiday, or, if this is not possible, by the man staying at a different house. It is understood that an engaged couple wish to spend a deal of time and attention on each other. But it is bad form for them to be so engrossed in each other that other friends are ignored, or that they make themselves in any way conspicuous.
-pg. 73-74; published in 1929 by C. Arthur Pearson, Ltd.